k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
