Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
