is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
