My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
