mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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