Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
