This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
