whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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