I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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