I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize
