Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize