I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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