What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
