I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
