glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
