I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize