i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
