I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize