You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
