You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
