Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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