My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize