I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize