Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
