I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
