Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
