Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
