chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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