I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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