Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This baby is an asshole
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
