my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
