Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
