I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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