Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
