youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
porn star boner night. come get it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
