saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
