I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize