there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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