her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
