Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
