And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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