I am spending my child support on dildos
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
