I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
