I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
