i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
