Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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