Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
