What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
