I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
