You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
