similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
