The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
