You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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