Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
