there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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