Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
