3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I CAN MOONWALK!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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