He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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