well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
3pm strippers are depressing
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
