I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
