I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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