guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
