I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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