why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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