People with herpes should wear stickers.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
In America we eat man semen.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
