I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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