Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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