dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize