He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
