No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
