i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
