I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
