how can u be prego again
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
