He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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