I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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