So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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