um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
