It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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