Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
