At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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