I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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