yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
