dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
