I skipped work to stalk him.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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