he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
