I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
