I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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