dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
