There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
