you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
