I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
