I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize