Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
