She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
