Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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