dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
