I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize