I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
