ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
